He'd read about this type of flirting. He got it. What she'd really done, was the old, " forgot-my-coat-out-on-the-deck" second date move. That was IT!
But this was will you choo choo choose me on some whole other level.
These calls made certain they would have time to get to know each each real good. He had mixed feelings though. This wasn't just one coat to grab and deliver. It was like 75 coats!
Did she meet them at a couple uptown parties where, at some point during the night she blacked out and somehow convinced them he was a terrorist.
Because these motherfuckers went up one side of him and down the other like these coats had punched their nice coats in the face a few times. He admitted to himself, this was kind of a fucking drag, most of these ass holes don't even have coats?!
This was some old fashion "meet the folks" type courting. Fuckin A, he thought...... except they weren't her folks, and their kids were probably all dick heads not worth spending time with these shit heads over.
Its possible, he wagered, he could have got a coat or two from an Aunt or Uncle in the mix. Maybe her family were everywhere, referred to in hushed, respectful tones the Retard Illuminati
All he knew for sure was,she knew how to play hard to get. And she was well familiar with being committed.
Wasn't that just his type!
He fantasized for a moment that she was just ensuring the legacy that started in the second century glue factories, continued derping the planet for millennia to come, like a learning disabled Illuminati.
But instead of hiding in plain sight and controlling the media, they played hide and seek and celebrated every day hour they didn't swallow their tongues.
Maybe they'd make him Prince of the Doors in honour of his knowledge of child safety devices and they could get out of the basement more
He was SURE she told him her folks died.
You don't forget a story like that straight away.
Her Mom and Dad were scuba diving at the lake, she said.
Her Mom and Dad were scuba diving at the lake, she said.
It was a bad summer for fires, and no knows HOW, her parents were somehow scooped up from their shallow dive in a nearby lake, by a water bomber, an air-plane contracted by the government to pick up much needed water from the local lake.
He thought that would have fucked them up enough
But THEN, to add insult to injury, she recalled how the plane dropped the hapless couple, on a sloped section of Goat Mountain from 1700 feet. He winced at the thought of those two human potatoes, coming in for their last landing.
They only knew
WHEN it happened, because, after seeing those tards pretty much
sublimate, the pilots returned to base and filed a compo claim. Only
lake water was in their contract. They'd talked about this.
Jesus christ. His inner voice now asked him,
"Did they at least piss their pants on the way down, y'know be productive for once in their lives?"
Naw, they were probably so full of stupid they exploded violently, sending sparks of broken idiot flying off in every direction," the voice ranted on.
Probably right, he sighed, this gang probably didn't want break their streak of uselessness and dependency.
They had a good run and they died like they lived, screaming and wondering why they just landed on the ground so hard.
This girl was his Ralph Wiggum for sure, choo choo chooing away somewhere, rocking back and forth, with glazed medicated eyes,
but she was thinking about him, he thought.....
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